Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
