She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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