you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
