her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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