Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
