Christians are straight up FREAKS
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're like the curious george of whores
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
