Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
