Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
