i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
