Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can't motorboat a personality
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
