Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
