Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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