I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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