So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
