Everything about him screamed your future.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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