; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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