i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
