i jhust puked up my retainher.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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