Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
