I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
