Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
