You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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