my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
