my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
