I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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