dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
