i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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