It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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