Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
