if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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