I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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