She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
