I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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