p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
