Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Houston, we have a blender
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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