Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
