yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
