He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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