well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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