You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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