could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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