When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is there bacon in the couch?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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