You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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