i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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