see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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