i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
