Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
