Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
