You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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