it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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