had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
