dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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