WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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