He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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