I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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