I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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