The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
