I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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